Mustache Monday!

Hi! And also, happy Monday! And also, happy March!

I basically took February off. It's okay though, right?  

(Yes.)

It was a combined Valentine & Mardi Gras gift to myself, as well as a tribute to our dear presidents. Happy all of those days too, by the way.

And also, happy.

Here are 3 February highlights in my corner of the arena that you missed while I was gone:

1. I GOT A JOB!!!!! I'll tell you all about it because it's so exciting. This will take a while to explain--my temp job, + title, + benefits, - projected end date. Fin.

2. I have pin boards now! Don't get me wrong, I've loved Pinterest as much as the next 22-year-old breathing female since like, June, but... I don't know, I guess I just couldn't be bothered with pinning and re-pinning and used it mainly to find new ways to drink on the weekends look at interesting things. But now I have a whole mess of my own pins and boards and stuff--see? I'm on top of this social media shit.

(Which is why you have yet to do anything with your profiles on LinkedIn and Google+?)

Shut up.

3. JK Rowling is writing a new book. JK ROWLING IS WRITING A NEW BOOK, GUYS. For adults! I'm so excited that I could scream or throw up or die or do all three at the same time, but instead I'll just say, "!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and let you read this Huffington Post article.

So anyway, we'll get on to the real reason I graced you with my presence today. Here are all of the mustaches that I collected for you in February while I was spending my time not blogging.

Spoiler alert: If you follow me or my mustache board on Pinterest, just go away now. You will surely die of boredom and/or redundancy and "IIIII don't waaaaanna beeeeee.....a murdererrrrrrr."

A big thank you to Lizzy for this onemustache pacifier templatesmunch-stachesIt's like a party on your face, yes?

Who else is pissed they weren't as cool as Corbin at age 11Ready? I saved the best for last:

Lord Likely's Extra-Ordinary Inter-Active Mustache-O-RamaExtra-ordinary is right. This is a gold mine of facial hair, kids. We have my friend Greg to thank for this one. Thank you, thank you.

Listen to Pursuit of Happiness by Kid Cudi. Mainly because for whatever reason I kept maniacally saying "happy" in the beginning of this post, but also because this morning one of my friends tweeted that it just never gets old. Guys. She is so right.

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So I said to my young self, "Self,--"

"--please don't wear that to school today."

An open-ended list of things I would advise a 9-to-13-year-old me not to wear in public.

1. Butterfly hairclips with movable wings

As if it wasn't weird enough for me to have knowingly placed a large, insect-shaped object on my head in the first place. No, by all means, get the 3" hair clips with the wings that flap around. In fact, get the bright purple glittery ones. That way, everyone within a 6-mile radius will see you flapping in the distance. That will give them ample time to talk about how jealous of you they are before you arrive.

Head wings are not cool and you look like a sparkly alien foolish.

2. Platform sneakers

I do hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you are not a Spice Girl. And you never will be. And I know that sucks to hear right now, but they'll be obsolete in a month or two anyway. Hard to believe, but trust me. And I mean, there are other ways to show off your girl power that don't involve rolling your ankles and being mistaken for a clown.

3. Chunky glitter "eyeshadow"

That is not makeup, you silly child, that is a craft supply. Put it away in the drawer with the construction paper, and save it to make a card on Mother's Day. Eyes are for seeing, not for disguising as Christmas ornaments. And anyway, you're not fooling anyone.

(P.S. You will be wearing a mask of this by 10am.)

To be continued...

Good habits formed at youth make all the difference. -Aristotle

Listen to Brad Paisley's Letter to me. I don't even like country (with some exceptions--shout out to my homegurl Tay), but maybe you do. I'm all about selflessness and compassion here, people.

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Making a list, checking it... like, 300 times.

As I was reading my own blog entries like a crazed psycho-fan who wants to lock me in his or her basement, which I do basically every day, something I wrote in my post about the awesome radiators made me stop and have a brilliant idea. Naturally, I came to share it with you, since that's what I do with all of my brilliant ideas. The "something" that I'm talking about is the seemingly-insignificant-but-ha-you-are-wrong-because-it's-actually-really-profound spot where I said, "It's too bad Christmas is over, right? Oh well, at least there's next year." Brace yourself, here's the clencher: Why do we have to wait--all the way until like, what? After Halloween?--to make our Christmas lists? Why not start them, like, now? Or better yet, the day after?

Now, before you decide I'm a wild beast on the loose from The Forest of Greed and leave the page to tell your friends that I've completely jumped off the deep end at last, hear me out. This really does make sense... if you are me, at least. Every year, when the whole what-do-you-want-for-Christmas thing starts, I black out. Seriously. Suddenly there's not a thing in the world that I have ever wanted from anyone. And this isn't only with Christmas, either. Birthdays, anniversaries... any event that involves me being scheduled to receive something yields a whole lot of nothing in the idea department.

Those of you who have been following me on anything for any time at all--like, probably even long enough to get this far into this post--know that not wanting anything is absolutely not actually the case. What's actually going on during these blackouts is a rare genetic disorder I possess called WLSF (Wish List Stage Fright). You know how some people build igloos out of textbooks and live inside them for weeks before exams or whatever, and then they get there and literally can hear the wind blowing in one ear and out the other? Well, that's how I am when people ask me for gift ideas.

Until now, my way of handling this has generally been to tell people I'll get back to them, and then not get back to them. I really do have sparkling intentions, and mean it when I say I will. But then I don't, because gift ideas are only something I am able to provide in the remaining (irrlevant) 11ish months out of the year. There are two, tragic outcomes associated with this behavior.

I'll tell you about them.

The first issue is that I end up with a lot of things. One half of what I own is made up of things I have been given that I never really wanted but like enough to not secretly throw out, and the other half is made up of things that I really want and end up buying myself because I forget that I want them when I'm supposed to suggest them. I need a closet the size of a garage so that people don't submit me to Hoarders after stopping by. I have four digital cameras because I'm so prone to losing and/or breaking them that they've become a default option for those who know me well enough. I don't feel that I have to say more.

The second problem is that it is obnoxious. It pisses people off. I will explain by example. This past Christmas, I was opening presents with my kind-of-extended family, and I opened a gift card from my aunt and uncle. I was all, "Thanks, guys! I buy all of my clothes here. This is rad." And so on. And then my aunt politely pointed out that I had never given her any gift ideas. And then my mother politely pointed out that she had reminded me 103 times that she had asked for them. And then we all stared at eachother. And then I laughed nervously. And then I raised a finger-mustache to my lip. And then all of the stars aligned and the birds began to sing and all was right with the world. It's all about being prepared, but that is a story for another day.

Anyway, do you see now why I think a wish list should be a year-round project?

Inquirer: "What do you want for your birthday, Emily?"

Me: "Why, a(n) [insert gift here--see? I can't even provide an idea as an example] would be divine!"

Wham, bam. Thank you, ma'am. No need for finger mustaches. I am starting right now. Will you? I am also thinking of starting a weekly support group for my fellow WLSF sufferers and sufferettes. What are your thoughts?

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Penny for my thoughts: How old are you actually?

I'm starting a new installment. There are tons of things that I mull over and think, "Oh, that might make a good blog topic," but then never get around to talking about because there wouldn't be enough substance or something. "Penny for my thoughts" is taking effect immediately, so I can quickly share things with you that I find interesting or insightful. Think of it as the whiney little brother of The way I see it.

Today my thoughts wandered to a conversation I had with the people I work with about ages. My supervisor is only a year older than me, and was the youngest employee in the company until I came along, so now I'm like, really young compared to everyone else. This got me thinking about how I'm really young in general. I have a significantly late birthday compared to the people that were in my graduating classes (September, if you were wondering. What are you getting me?). I always hated this ages like, 4-13 and then when I was the last one left under 16, 18, and 21. But now I like it, because everybody wants to be younger again now and I actually am in comparison.

But then here's what I realized: I'm actually not. Not really anyway. I have an occasional almost-quarter-life crisis now and again, just like the rest of them. The 3-to-14-or-so months that they were alive when I was busy not existing yet or lounging in the womb are completely irrelevant. I mean, do you remember the first 14 months of your life? I certainly don't. I don't remember anything before I was like, 4, and I probably only have a handful of memories from the few years following. I'm sure there are loads of people younger than me who have earlier memories, and loads of people older than me who only have later ones. From this epiphany on, I'm looking at age in terms of life experiences. You know? If you don't remember it, it didn't happen. Um, in this case, anyway.

Maybe that's why age matters in things like relationships less and less as we get older. Take Hugh and Crystal for instance.

Aww <3Just kidding.(Gag.)

No, but in all seriousness, I've decided that I'm only as old or as young as those who have lived proportionally to me in memory and experience. Some of the people I hang out with are still like, 17 (in Emily years), while some have aged so aggressively they're basically showing signs of Osteoperosis. I like to think I'm a happy medium. Are you?

Listen to Blink 182's What's My Age Again? because nobody likes you when you're 23 and you still act like you're in freshman year. What the hell is ADD?

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Crayola in Real Life: The Once You Pop You Can't Stop Edition

Hey guys! I forgot I had a blog, I think. Did you forget what I look like? Trick question--Because this is the internet and you barely know what I look like because the only photo I've used on anything related to this site is that little, awkward, senior-portrait-esque one to your right. And maybe that's not even me. Shows how much you know. Regardless, I'm back. Back again. Shady's back. Tell a friend.

This week's color is: Sunset Orange. A "Core Color" as of 1998 and also the stone that I'm attempting to kill 3 birds with. The first bird is a Use-a-reader-requested-color Finch, the second is a I'm-in-the-running-to-be-post-marked-if-I-do-an-all-fashion-or-decor-post Swallow and the third is I'll-use-a-color-I-like-so-I-don't-throw-up-in-the-process Jay. I wanted to knock them all off of their stupid, metaphorical branch, and I think I pretty much nailed it. Pun intended.

Sunset Orange. AKA #FD5E53. AKA R-253 G-94 B-83.Now, I'm throwing a slight curveball here, because the requested color was actually "coral" which is not a Crayola Color. However, I'm so color-savvy that I knew Sunset Orange was actually just coral in disguise, and improvised. If you disagree, it's your computer screen's fault and not mine because I'm awesome.

Coral--ahem, Sunset Orange--is, in my opinion, one of the best possible colors you can use to make a plain and/or boring-colored room less plain and/or boring. I love color pops. I love them so much. In an alternate universe, I live in an all-white house with different colored accents in every room. I also have a maid named Loretta whose sole purpose in life is to ensure the perpetual whiteness of all of my things. Unfortunately, my living situation in this universe is slightly different, because I haven't met Loretta yet and also because I have too much stuff. I'd link to a post that explains why I have so much stuff, but I haven't put it up here yet because I submitted it to HELLO GIGGLES AND THEY WON'T FREAKING GET BACK TO ME. You can look for it here in a few days if you don't see me explosively tweeting about how my life is complete and I can go ahead and die happy now, because we're approaching the deadline-ish thing.  This is all completely irrelevant, so let's move on.

Here are some terrific, Sunset Orange-colored items that are ideal for all of the impeccably color-splashed rooms in my home that only exists in Narnia, and the ones in yours that you will tear apart and redecorate after reading this.

1. I actually found you three different kinds of Sunset Orange throw-pillows, because--hello--what's the first thing you think of when you think of a color-pop? Throw-pillows. No? And also because you can never have too many throw-pillows. Wasn't that like, the moral of the story in Along Came Polly? I hear you loud and clear, Lisa. You can find each of these delightful little accents here, here, and here, respectively. Do you feel like something is looking at you?

2. Look at these! You wouldn't even need doors to your closets if your hangers looked like this.  Unless you have clothes in colors other than Sunset Orange, in which case, you would.

3. So I found this Thomas Boog Chandelier in this article on Elle Decor. However, it doesn't look like it's available anymore? Prove me wrong, please. Anyway, you can still buy the one above here, or this Anne Coyle one here, and achieve almost the same result. Emphasis on the almost.

4. I saved the best for last, guys! Isn't this bookshelf the most wonderful thing you have ever seen in your life? I found it on Design Milk and I've been DYING to find a reason to tell you about it. I can't be completely sure it's Sunset Orange, but it looks like it, right? Up around the edges? That's close enough to merit my inclusion. I'm hopeful, and I also don't care at all that much. Unfortunately this isn't for sale, but I love it enough to pretend I'll make one for myself or something. Which I won't, but that's not important. Let's take a moment and just soak up its awesomeness.

Listen to Irok by Space vs. Speed. Sometimes there just isn't a reason behind me telling you to do things. Don't ask questions.

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